dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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