Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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