you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize