your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
