omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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