I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
