All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
