Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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