dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
