fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
