A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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