he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
