If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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