Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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