the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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