she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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