my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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