Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
