Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
