She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
