If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
