do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
