i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
