pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
