It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
