We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize