Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize