If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
