Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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