i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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