my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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