I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Less talking, more tequila
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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