Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
