I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
