so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
tonight lets celebrate not being married
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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