Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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