I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
