I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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