guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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