i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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