im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
