Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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