At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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