yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bring me that man meat
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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