i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
