I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
