you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize