I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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