I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
