You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
