DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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