just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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