i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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