toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
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i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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