She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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