New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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