There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
