I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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