very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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