i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
