so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
