I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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