I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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