So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
