just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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