I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
