Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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