why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
