You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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