Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
