He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
