my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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