i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
