He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We got so high we made milksteak
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize