He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
