Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
