No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
