I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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