i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
