I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize