so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
