I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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