DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
