No awkward lesbian experiences without me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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