no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
