Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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