We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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