i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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