He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
