It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
