i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
