it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize